March 14, 2007

Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Director: George Lucas
Writer: George Lucas
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGreggor, Natalie Portman, and Jake Lloyd
Co-Starring: Pernilla August, Frank Oz, Ian McDiarmid, Ray Park, and Samuel L. Jackson
Description: When the evil Trade Federation plots to take over the peaceful planet of Naboo, Jedi warrior Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi embark on an amazing adventure to save the planet. With them on their journey is the young queen Amidala, Gungan outcast JarJar Binks, and the powerful Captain Panaka, who will all travel to the faraway planets of Tatooine and Coruscant in a futile attempt to save their world from Darth Sidious, leader of the Trade Federation, and Darth Maul, the strongest Dark Lord of the Sith to ever wield a lightsaber.
Rating: C-
In a word... travesty.

In-Depth Review!
So I had a strange compulsion to watch this tonight.

*sigh*

Where do I start? For one, Jar Jar... yeah, someone should have gagged and bound George Lucas the minute that wretched name came out of his mouth. Every time the horrible CGI comes on screen and starts talking in his high-pitched, broken voice I want to cry. This whole storyline should have been left out.

The Queen... oh God, stereotypical, bland, and, well, crappy dialogue. There's only so much an actor or actress can do with a horrible script with cheesy, lame dialogue such as this. Now, I realize that Star Wars has never been known for its witty dialogue, but lines such as "I was not elected to watch my people suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a committee!" and "It is clear to me now that the Republic no longer functions." almost make it seem as if George Lucas had some kind of personal vendetta (pun not intended) against Natalie Portman and he wanted to make her acting look as terrible as possible. Although, I must admit, even for a queen, most of her lines are strangely deadpan and monotone.

Actually it's not just Queen Amidala that has terrible dialogue. Characters such as Obi-Wan, who should have been one of the most interesting characters to learn the backstory of, come off as incredibly deadpan and, for lack of a better word, almost boring. See "But Master Yoda says I should be mindful of the future." and "You were right about one thing, master. The negotiations were short." for examples of this.

Anakin Skywalker, a.k.a. Darth Vader, has some of the WORST dialogue in the film, but the worst example is "Are you an angel?" and the anecdote about the angels that live on the moons of Iago after it. Padme's response, however, is just as bad: "You're a funny little boy." Also, how is Anakin so articulate sometimes? No 9 year-old kid I know would ever use the words "an especially dangerous..." or "are very, very dangerous." Something I would be interested in hearing would be a psychologist's approach to the state of George Lucas' mind when he cast Jake Lloyd. One of the, if not the, worst child actors to ever "grace" the screen. The worst acting in the film I can think of is "It wasn't my fault! Really!" Can he do anything but whine? It's like Panic! At the Disco on helium! D'oh!

Next, the silliness. Why, oh why, did Lucas have to insert increasingly lame potty jokes that sound as if they come out of Dumb and Dumbererer 3: When Harry Met Lloyd... Again. Oh. Wait. That would probably be an epic masterpiece compared with this. The original trilogy was great mostly because it had mindless action, but for those who wanted to look for it, there was a deep philosophy surrounding the Force and the Jedis. Yet in this, about 90% of the dialogue, 70% of the jokes, and 100% of the CGI are all incredibly lame and something my three-year old nephew could come up with. It reminds me of the speech in Billy Madison (an equally stupid movie) that went, "Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." I think that speaks for itself.

One of the new characters I actually really do like is Watto, even though he's a total jerk and a computer generated character. He really adds a new dimension to the film for me. I guess I tend to sympathize more with villains then heroes with terrible dialogue.

Also I love the character of Shmi Skywalker, and I like aspect that she is, in essence, the Virgin Mary (interestingly, Pernilla August, who plays Shmi, actually did play Mary of Nazareth). For me, she's the best character in the film, aside from Darth Maul. In her scene where Anakin leaves, you can tell she's experiencing probably the biggest pain of her life, yet she lets him go, because she wants him to follow his dreams. Even though I wanted to kill Jake Lloyd for ruining the moment, I'll readily admit that it's probably the most (only?) emotional moment in the film, just seeing the pained look in Shmi's eyes. In addition, it's extremely interesting from a psychological point of view that Anakin's biggest idol in his life is his mother, yet it's also really one of the incidents that ends up pushing him over to the dark side. It's very telling, that really Anakin is just like anyone else, tempted, obviously, but also quite tender. Although I'm still not sure if I like the idea that the creature who would one day become Darth Vader is so damn wimpy, haha.

Darth Maul was one of the most fascinating and malicious characters in the entire series for me, and the highlight of the film. In fact, I'd say he's my second favorite character in the series, second only to Vader. It's a shame that they had to kill him off the first chance they got. So much more could have been done with this intriguing character, more backstory given, maybe some motives? Of course, much like Hannibal Lecter, that may have diluted the mystery and vagueness surrounding the character.

Another favorite character of mine, and favorite actor, is Qui-Gon Jinn, a.k.a. Liam Neeson. His role as the rebellious character is probably the best performance in the film, given what he had to work with--not that that's saying much, though. I just love the fact that he contrasts so much with both the typical Jedi ideals and the Siths such as Darth Maul. He's really a unique individual, at the time in the series, anyway. Later we will have personas such as Luke and Mace Windu, and obviously Anakin himself, who will also push the Jedi Council's "buttons", so to speak.

Darth Sidious is another character that could have been much more interesting if Lucas hadn't thought it was clever to have Sidious and Chancellor Palpatine be Emperor Palpatine at the outset of A New Hope. I'm pretty sure the only way you wouldn't catch on to that would be if you had had a brick dropped on your head after watching any of the originals.

The podraces are quite exciting, and even though it seems like something Lucas decided to tack on at the end, since we have never seen this particular idea before in the original trilogy, it's still an awesome spectacle of painstakingly created special effects.

One of the best aspects of the film is the music. While it's not terribly original in terms of John Williams' music, or Star Wars music for that matter, there's no denying it completely fits the film--nay, it transcends the film. In fact, in all honesty, the film doesn't deserve music as great as this. The music in the fight scene between Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Darth Maul is fitting in the way that it amplifies the already suspenseful mood. I would honestly say that the end three-way fight scene is one of the best fight sequences ever put on film. The fight between Darth Maul and Qui-Gon is almost as good, but it's pretty "meh" compared to the other one. The storming of Theed Palace is quite cool, indeed, with the music and all. The parade, however, was the one place the music completely and totally did not work. It sounded like something out of Lilo and Stitch.

See... my biggest gripe with this film, is that it takes itself too seriously. A sci-fi film is hard to do, possibly harder than comedy, because you have to balance the effects level and the story, to make it believable--and in this film, story not only takes a backseat to effects sometimes, it goes in the trunk of the car behind it! Great examples of sci-fi films that were able to pull this delicate balance off would be 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Man Who Fell to Earth, Planet of the Apes, and to a bit of a lesser extent, Serenity. The biggest case in point: midi-chlorians. What is this schlock? It's pretty obvious Lucas was trying to attach some kind of scientific mumbo jumbo to the movie, but it totally takes away from the mystic philosophy that the Force and the Council had in the original trilogy. He shouldn't be combining a religion with science, it really takes away from the film.

Finally, and I know this is getting to be a long review filled with a lot of negativity, but I have one final gripe. How is it that Anakin accidentally destroys the entire Trade Federation ship, while pilots with probably twice his experience can't do it on purpose? I mean, I know that he's an extremely gifted pilot, but there's only so many plot holes I can take!

All in all, even though I had many, many gripes with the film, it was simply bad. Not terrible, and there are a few saving graces, in the forms of that last fight scene, Shmi, and Qui-Gon.